"Make Me Over, Make [That Angry Black Woman] Nice"

Let's call the recent hype over Michelle Obama's supposed "political makeover" what it is: an attempt to make this confident, dark-skinned black woman with a "terrorist" -sounding name less scary. The recent attacks on the senator's wife (not a battle of the spouses in the least, a one-sided comparison at best) seemed to have prompted this unofficial makeover, part of which is a focus on Michelle Obama's upbringing and the importance of family, making her more accessible as evidenced by her appearance on "The View" . While these are indeed key facets of her life, the decision to make the shift from an outspoken, strong partner to a more traditional, domestically-oriented spouse, is part of the political game that's fun for the whole family!

People are scared of her. Mainly conservatives, of course. Critics have called her guarded (and simultaneously "too real") and unpatriotic, obviously individuals blissfully ignorant of the conditions this woman from the south side of Chicago has been subjected to. Oh noes, race again. But she has an Ivy-League education, and raked in over $200,000 a year as a health care executive, how can she not be proud of her country?

The Republican ad that quoted her as saying "for the first time in my adult lifetime, I am really proud of my country" (in reference to a voter turnout) has fueled the witch hunt. But is this not what the opposition asked for, a more personal look at that intimidating woman? How much more personal does the wife of a politician need to be? An honest statement given by a person who knows firsthand that this country is not always something to be proud of. Although she later said she was referring to "the political processes and not the nation", that statement was undoubtedly colored by being Black in America. Michelle showed us her school of hard knocks upbringing (more valuable than Princeton or Harvard), her willingness to be honest with the American people, and her faith for a changed future where all can be proud to be an American. But not sing that awful song because it. is. awful.

Why would you want to make that over?

You Know I Don't Eat No Pork: Black People's Love and Hate Relationship with the Swine

I know you know who I'm talking about and if you don't that's because it's probably you. And if it is you, let me just let you know that I think it's lovely that you treat your temple lovingly by nourishing it with quinoa, miso soup, and beans that are only grown during the last fifteen minutes of the winter solstice. But what's not so admirable is your Farrakhan-like obsession with reminding people every few hours that you don't eat pork. Unless your mere utterance of this single phrase causes somebody somewhere to read "How to Eat to Live" and join your Swine Hating Brigade, I'm not understanding the necessity of mentioning this.

Traditionally, Black people enjoy pork, as evidenced by classic soul food cuisine impressively consisting of pork products in both solid and liquid form (if we could get it in gas form, I know we would). But the acceptance of pork as a regular part of our diet shifted, once influence of Muslim culture on the Black community came into place, causing some of us to put down the bacon and let everyone and their mama know about the event.

I think it's okay to follow dietary restrictions based on religious/ dietary beliefs. After all, both Christian and Muslim doctrine advise against the ingestion of Porky. And though the reasons behind this are debatable (moral vs. economic), the decisions you make are yours and yours alone. But your decision to not eat pork (and bonus: red meat) is not a conversation starter nor light-hearted dinner conversation. "You know I don't eat pork" is a mantra used to make you feel better about yourself since you still don't have enough will-power to go completely vegetarian (chicken and fish count, love) but need to feel better than your family who still grubs on hog maws (I really don't even know what this is).

Now hush up and eat your plateful of Aunt Cynthia's greens that you KNOW ain't just seasoned with "Lawry's".

The Pied Piper (of R&B) found Not Guilty

According to the Associated Press, a jury of nine men and three women found singer Robert Sylvester Kelly (a.k.a. R. Kelly) not guilty on all fourteen counts of child pornography. Based on the infamous videotape that caused the singer's arrest in 2002, illustrating an alleged R. Kelly engaging in sexual acts with an underage girl, the case has taken over six years to come to trial and has resulted in an unsurprising verdict.

Why is the culmination of this case so predictable? Maybe because during the lengthy controversy, neither Kelly nor his fans seemed to give the case as much weight as his music, as the forty-one year old singer from Chicago's projects continued to perform to sold-out audiences while he awaited trial. His monotonous tenor over his catchy yet formulaic melodies must have drowned out the allegations, continuing to make Kelly successful even if his reputation to many, was tarnished. The R. Kelly scandal seems to have only boosted his career, giving him more publicity as the Pied Piper of R&B, and not as a man charged with videotaping himself and a thirteen year old girl engaging in oral sex. Fame is undoubtedly a force to be reckoned with when it comes to high-profile celebrity cases and R. Kelly's is no exception. Because if Kelly were found guilty, that would mean no more chart-topping classics like Trapped in the Closet: Chapters 1-76.5! And I think I can speak for everyone when I say that we've anxiously been awaiting the outcome of Kathy and Rufus's extramarital affairs.

What's next for the R&B superstar? Why, undoubtedly more club bangers and sexually suggestive ballads that make the ladies forget all about Kelly's marriage to a then 15 year old Aaliyah, a marriage that was later annulled by the now deceased singer's parents. Now turn up that music.

For real? Stop playing.

To hear that an African American has won the the democatic nomination and is one of two choices for the next president of the United States is both mind-boggling and right on time.

To see the gradual rise of a biracial individual from a single-parent home surmount numerous obstacles (with a supportive strong Black woman by his side), to accomplish this monumental feat instills in me such a sense of hope for the future that I can't even begin to describe.

We're all that we've got: Sing, Jaheim

I was always pretty meh when it came to Jaheim. Yeah, I definitely recognized that his voice was far more mature than his contemporaries, harkening that grown and sexy era when people relied on their voice more than gymnastics and pyrotechnics.
But still, was never really feeling him.

But yesterday, as I was chilling and listening to Midnight Love's Sultry Slowjam edition, Jaheim's "Fabulous" appeared on the screen (aside: Curse rap artist Fabolous for causing a whole generation to always second guess the correct spelling).
Now I had seen this video several times before, as it was played ad nauseum back in 2002 when it was hot, but I had never really listened so closely nor watched the video so intently.

Portraits of concrete-colored Black life grace the screen as Jaheim aurally paints vignettes of our cousins, friends, and people from around the corner.

Young cat, got back, did a little bid
Now he hard, he buff, he tough -- doo rag and timbs
Kinda hard to get a job back out on the block
Charge that to the game

Young girl, she grew up in a rush
Had it bad, no dad, she don't know who to trust
Every man she ever loved only wanna crush.
Charge that to the game

So simply stated, yet speaking volumes, the lyrics give color to conditions permeating Black life. With an unapologetic "tell it like it is" tone, Jaheim shares a story. Yeah we may used prepaid cell phones for local calls and "name our kids them funny names", but "don't hate on us [because] we're fabulous".

The video ends with children clad in white t-shirts, beaded braids a-swinging, chirping along as Jaheim sings, "Never G-I-V-E U-P and keep your H-E-A-D U-P, cuz U-N-I-T-Y is all we need to get our R-E-S-P-E-C-T."

What an uplifting message that speaks the truth with simplicity, authenticity, and soul.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=EnDm-67WhCg

A Loving Dayyyyy

June 12th marks the celebration of the 1967 Loving vs. Virginia case which made the union of interracial couples legal. In celebration of this historic feat, Loving Day was created, a holiday where couples all over the United States celebrate their right to love a person who does not share their ethnicity.

Aptly titled, Loving Day is a time for showing love while negating prejudice and discrimination through education and exposure. And what better means of exposure than a celebration? Participants are encouraged to attend or throw a Loving Day celebration that can range in size from block party to table for two.

Check out the website, download the Celebration Kit and have a happy Loving Day!
http://lovingday.org/

The Unification of Fruits

There's nothing more pleasing to the African American palette than a cold, fruity, and RED beverage. I know, I know. Not all Black people love them some Tahitian Treat, but yes they do. Ok, to say that all Black people like drink without discussing the broader social conditions that make this an accurate statement, would be unfair. Due to the historical relationship between poverty and nutrition,the sad but true reality is generations were brought up on that packet with a picture with a pitcher smiling thoughtfully (probably about to indulge in a cool beverage as well; it's not cannibalism if you drink yourself).

To quote classic Chappelle, "What the f*ck is juice?"

That being said, to the right are some of my favorites:

Tahitian Treat- The ultimate carbonated fruit punch beverage that leaves you so thirsty you'll wish you had a Tahitian Treat. Dyes your entire mouth red.

Quarter Waters/Little Hugs- Ah, if only actual H20 was sold for a quarter instead of this melted Popsicle juice in a plastic grenade (with that impossible to penetrate foil lid that cuts your mouth with every delightful swallow). Note: Must drink at least one of every color to satiate thirst.

Kool-Aid- The one and only. Now I know there are staunch believers in there only being one flavor of Kool Aid, but this simply isn't true. There's not even one flavor of RED. And I prefer the light, refreshing strawberry over fruit punch, anyway.

PEACH HI-C- My personal most absolute favoritest drink in the world. Forget that gross coconut ridden dessert that sits out at cookouts being the nectar of the gods. This was it. RIP.

I'm thirsty.